Four ways of "Being"

This begins my fist blog on my new website. This is the first installment I will share my musings on four ways of Being that would change your life and the world as we know it; Compassion, Gratefulness, Forgiveness, and Love. I will use terms that are found throughout my writings such as PIES; physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual and the Universal Principles.

“If everyone behaved this way, our world would instantly transform into a utopia.”

All you need to do is think, feel, and act with compassion, gratefulness, forgiveness, and love. If everyone behaved this way, our world would instantly transform into a utopia. In fact, if only 15%, or whatever number constitutes a critical mass, embodied those four behaviors, our present dysfunctional reality would quickly begin to dissipate. A new reality of cooperation, service to others, prosperity, and love would begin to emerge.


Compassion begins with awareness of another’s suffering. Being compassionate requires one to have an open mind and heart, which brings about feelings of concern and empathy. Having compassion means you’re resonating with another’s condition. Yet if one is so blinded by their own busyness, ego-state, small mindedness, or bitter heart it is very difficult to be aware of another’s situation; no matter what the circumstances.

Being compassionate is the desire of your soul. Allowing the other person to be in their pain and allowing you to be without judgment or desire to control the situation illustrates Energy Just Is. Many times there is really nothing that anyone can do to alleviate the pain and suffering of another. Most times all the other person wants is to be recognized and have someone else understand their condition. If one compassionately listens to another’s plight, sometimes that is all that is needed or wanted.

I know this this is a tough one; compassion does not necessarily mean taking away another’s pain. Again I don’t mean for you to sit and do nothing. Acting compassionately with kindness and caring elicits a positive higher vibrational frequency for all involved and embodies Energy Moving Towards Balance. To be proactive about compassion means to follow the intent of the bumper sticker and make “Random Acts of Kindness” as a way of being.

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.
If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”

—Dalai Lama


Most of us are wanting, searching, and desiring more out of life. I’m assuming you want a stress-free life filled with love and happiness. From an ego perspective wanting is actually a statement of lack. The ego interprets wanting happiness and love as not having or not having enough external superficial things; such as cars, beautiful men or women, money, or other stuff. If we attach happiness and love to our ego, we’ll forever be lost. Any outward journey leads to something outside of our self, as an inward journey leads us back to our self; where the real answers always lie. Practicing gratefulness is an internal process that honors what we already have. Since Everything is Energy, All Energy has a Vibrational Frequency, and All Energy is Interconnected, all those wants are already present around and within us. All we have to do is tune into the VF-Vibrational Frequency- of our wants. Transmitting gratefulness allows you then to receive more to be thankful for.

“If you are really thankful, what do you do? You share.”
—W. Clement Stone

I’m not talking about wanting stuff or about any of our ego’s needs. I’m talking about the true needs of your soul, which is to acknowledge that which is already present. Since everything begins with a thought, you need to have a belief that all you need is present and within you. So we need to believe and become aware that we already are stress-free and have happiness and love. One of the constant themes of my writings has been that everything is about you, or rather if I’m talking about myself, everything is about me. My material has to do with being all those things you’re looking for outside of yourself; recognizing that happiness and love are already vibrating through you.

To avail yourself of those VF you must be open to receive them. If you’re too full of your ego, there is no room to receive anything else. If you’re too full of your problems, there is no room for the wonders. If you’re too busy, there is no time for anything. One way to assist us in being open to all we desire is to be appreciative of what is already present in our lives. Being grateful for what is already present in your life is a prerequisite to having your desires being met. If you can’t do that, how can you attract or even become aware when those things finally do appear.

Your focus on gratitude raises your VF. As you attain higher VF, you’ll be more open to receive similar VF from many other aspects in your life. As you develop your skills of gratitude, you’ll become more aware of the positivity, wonder, and beauty in otherwise unnoticeable situations. Once you learn to appreciate everything and anything you might discover you’re surrounded by more appreciative people; you’ll feel the simple joy of seeing a sunset, appreciate more deeply the budding of spring, or be grateful for the smile of a stranger.

One minute a day of giving thanks, is a powerful technique for being stress-free, happy, authentic, and loved. There is an infinite amount of things to be grateful for. Start off with the obvious, whatever that might be for you. Be thankful for having your health. Be grateful for having a roof over your head. Be appreciative for having a loving relationship. Be thankful for having a job you like. Be thankful for having a healthy mind and heart. Be thankful for the music you listen to. Be appreciative of having a TV or sound system, a refrigerator, and running water. Be appreciative of good friends. Be appreciative of your miraculous body, for having emotions, and a clear mind. Be grateful for being of spirit and on this wondrous journey you call life.

“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more.
If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.”

—Oprah Winfrey

Move on from there and look outside of yourself and be thankful of this planet and all of its gifts. Be thankful of the trees in your backyard. Be appreciative of your pets. Be grateful for having a car and paved roads to drive. Be thankful for grocery stores and the people who work there. Be grateful for the food you eat. Be grateful for every breath, and every moment. Be appreciative of the silence. Think of all the people who have contributed to your play–your life– and be grateful for them.

Think of all the works of creative artisans throughout the centuries. Appreciate their works of beauty; the tireless hours of sculpting, building, writing, singing, film-making, dancing, painting, and quilting. Be appreciative of these words in my blog. (Okay had to get a plug in here somewhere.) Kidding aside. I am grateful for my pens and paper, computer, editors, distributors, bookstores, research material, graphic designers, internet, and yes most importantly you my reader.

Be thankful for any object in your home or office; pencils, phones, lights, computers, calculators, paper, copy machines, cubicles, desks, etc. Be appreciative of the chair you are seating on and for all the people and resources who have put their effort into its creation and delivery to you; the designer, manufacturer, line workers, furniture store, salesman, delivery woman, the delivery truck and all who built it, the plants that distilled into oil to fuel the delivery trucks and all who built them. Delve as deep as you wish. The further you go, the more aware you become of how interconnected everything is in your life. The more conscious you are, the more grateful you become. The more grateful you become, the more you’ll receive from the universe.

If life is tough for you, then be grateful for at least having any job. If your health is not the best, then at least be thankful for other parts of your body that are healthy. Have thanks for being able to see or hear or feel. If you lost your home then be thankful for having a place to rent, or a friends place to stay, or for a shelter that takes you in, or a blanket to cover you. If you’re not with anyone at the present, be appreciative of still having the capacity to love when love is not around, or for having had love in the past. Be grateful for all the seemingly negative events in your life for they have brought you the opportunities to learn, heal, and love in deeper ways. When you can see life as being filled with learning lessons, there are always things to be grateful for. Be appreciative of the pain, the heartache, the disappointments, and the tragedies for they all come into your life bearing gifts; opportunities for you to learn, to grow, to become more aware.

When I had no job, home, marriage, and no income it was difficult to be grateful. Once I let go of my self-pity, I could begin to see through that fog. So when I didn’t feel like getting up in the morning I attempted to be thankful for the bed I slept on, the blankets that kept me warm, indoor plumbing, water for drinking and showering, food in the refrigerator, the roof over my head, and the air I breathed. I eventually became thankful for having a place to stay, for having little jobs to bring in some money, for having something in my IRS account, for receiving unemployment checks, for still having my wits about me, for having friends and family who cared about me, for having a (mostly) healthy body to play softball, for the ability to play the piano, for eyes to see the sunset, and for knowing that life always provides an opportunity to learn.

My next blog will address forgiveness and love.

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tom youngholm

Growing up in Chicago, I earned a B.A. in Communications and an M.A. in Human Relations and worked as a family and adolescent counselor and public educator for the Cook County Sheriff’s Youth Services Department. I owned and operated a floating houseboat restaurant in the Keys before it sank to the bottom of the ocean. In San Diego, as a training specialist, I conducted workshops in Stress Management, Customer Service, Effective Presentations, and Effective Communications. As a business consultant in Team Building, Dealing with Downsizing, and Stress Management I worked with smaller businesses along with Computer Science Corporation, SDG&E, General Dynamics, L.A. School District, and DuPont.

I have written several books; Mastering the Art of Balance: A Practical Guide for Living Authentically, collaborated in a coffee table book entitled Whispers of Wonder: A Journey of Beauty & Balance, an international best-seller The Celestial Bar, In the Shadow of the Sphere, and contributed several short stories in Hot Chocolate for the Mystical Soul. I have been featured on NPR, CNBC, & KPBS and presented at the Deepak Chopra Center and the Omega Institute.

My eclectic interests include softball, golf, pickleball, playing the piano, yoga, sailing, fishing, and scuba diving. In my earlier years, I was involved with dozens of community productions (mostly musicals) and even a few professional ones such as Pippin and performances with the South Florida Dance Company. My love of varied cultures is evidenced by my collegiate studies in Europe, travels in the Mayan Yucatan, interacting with the peoples and shamans of Ecuador and Peru, along with spending a brief time with the former head hunting Shuar tribe in the heart of the Amazon.

Life is an adventure and communication is the foundation for a successful life.